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Saturday 7 April 2012

Suicide Squad Seven - The Alliterating Issue

Yes, it’s that time of the month again, so dig out your hot pants, get ready to storm Gotham PD and grab that skinned off Joker face because it’s the SUICIDE SQUAD #7 REVIEW!




Assuming I read like a normal person, let’s start with the cover. When I first saw this cover, I didn’t like it. Now I can see it full size it’s kind of growing on me, like Joker flesh on Deadshot’s face.(Tee hee) The new Harley Quinn logo surprised me, as last time they just stole her old one. You know, the one from the ‘original’ DC universe pre-reboot, post-pre-infinite... ehh... you know what I mean. The one that doesn’t exist anymore, or kind of does in some ways, but only in ways DC can make money off it.. Ehhh, you know what I mean.



When we last left off in Suicide Squad, Harley was being taken in by the police force in Gotham after surrendering in the street – the idea being that it would be easier to get to her target that way. This totally cock blocked the rest of the squad from getting to her, and boy, were they pissed. So, when page one opened on some random plan about distracting the cops with some holographic imprint on King Shark I was kinda like... What?

I mean, this is GOTHAM. Batman Gotham. Something attacks them, and before you know it, good old commish is on the horn to every damn bat in the city. To be honest, there are a lot of bats in Gotham city. How could they be sure that this wouldn’t attract Batman?


Because it’s Suicide Squad, and they can’t afford Batman?

Oh yeah.


Anyway, apparently Lime and Light can turn invisible or something, and King Shark is always the patsy. That’s kind of racist, or speciest.

Then Deadshot and Savant spend a panel beating up some cops. Soo... they disguise King Shark because ‘none of them can be here’ and then Deadshot and Savant stroll into the police HQ and start wailing on people in a noticeable kind of way. Yeah, I can see that.

So, it would be nice if we could have a a few more panels backing up this story. I wanted to see a lot more explanation, not just two or three panels and a hasty ‘oh, Harley Quinn has cut the cameras, she’s totally loose in the building!’ slapped on top.
She’s not loose, those hot pants are too hard to get off.

But I mean, what is this? Lost? No, I don’t think so. Why does everything have to be all ‘edgy’ and jump scenes like that? I’m guessing lazy staff. Yep, I said it. I draw story lines as well, and even though I hate the boring in-between scenes, you still have to make a coherent plot.

Anyway, a few panels reminding me how much I hate Deadshot’s new costume and how much Savant is up himself. It also reveals that the GCPD is built like a maze and has poor light. Is there a reason why Joker’s face is pinned on a wall and not in an evidence locker? Maybe it is an evidence locker. It’s just that there’s no tags on it, or any other evidence around it.



Next up, a flash back with weird art – oh noes! Harley found out somehow that her boss is stealing her research to make a book by looking at blank pieces of paper with coffee stains! What a shocking plot twist! Or it would be, if I hadn’t already read this story in the official Harley Quinn run back in the day. I guess changing the antagonist to a woman was enough of a twist for these writers.
Hey new Harley, cut Serrano a break! She just wants to make some more money so that her office won’t look like shit anymore. Maybe she could even afford one with less breakable things in it!
Or more likely, she’s after surgery to cut the fat out of that one humongous hand she has.

Enter the most oblivious warden in the universe.
'There's a fight between two doctors in their office?! Damn, those crazy inmates are at it again! There can be no other explanation!!'How did this guy get a job in an asylum again?




Then, more drama as Light and Lime start losing their powers, King Shark flees into the icky icky sewers, and Lime gets shot.
This part bugged me. Can’t Lime-Light fly? They wouldn’t even need to touch the sewer. Second, Lime got shot and Light grabs her. Then easily abandons her to the cops. What, they couldn’t fly away together?

‘Get me to a doctor, then I’ll tell you everything. Hey, a cop car. Close enough! Amanda Waller is trying to kill me’-BOOM.

That scared look on Waller’s face... this ain’t no Wall.
Meanwhile, Joker and Harley continue their romantic walk through Flashback Lane and end up at what I suspect is Ace Chemical’s knockoff. She’s having second thoughts. He has the ugliest pig nosed Joker face I’ve ever, ever seen. Then he pushes her off into the vat. Come on people, WHS&S please! Someone cover those darn vats already!


Of course, she emerges half naked – I’m sure the Joker didn’t after his dip but hey, he’s not a woman. Our clothes are engineered to fall off at the slightest provocation, don’tcha know?
And, her hair is half red, half bluey even though it was blonde before.
So, Joker falls in with his one shade of hair colour.. comes out green. Harley gets pushed in with her one shade of blonde and comes out two toned?
I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this - oh wait, this is a DC New 52 comic book, nevermind.

Then Deadshot wakes up tied to a chair after being ambushed, then Harley puts the Joker face on him to talk with Mr. J and then make out with him – as you do. Then she gets shot, but as finales go that’s not very exciting or dramatic because Harley’s on the next three covers so you know she’s going to be fine. But you know, these guys are more focused on killing off members of the squad than paying attention to the plot so, whatever.

Starting to feel really let down by this series. It’s never going to replace the Secret Six, but it had potential to be okay but it’s just not managing it for me. They can’t even keep their art or costumes straight.

All this hype about re-doing Harley's origin and it's just a story they copied and pasted from the past. The idea that jumping in the exact same vat of chemicals the Joker did will have the same effect.. yeah. Maybe. Only, the Joker's back story is as muddled as this waste of paper. If we go by the version where he's the Red Hood and he gets knocked in after a Batman fight... even then, how does he know it's the same vat?

How come after that accident the vat wasn't sealed up or extra preventative measures put in to stop it happening again? If people knew that that exact chemical swimming pool would exacerbate your mental problems and 'get your hair did' at the same time - how many Joker fanatics would be rushing that joint to be just like their idol?

I feel that just chucking her in the magical chemical spa (so what the hell is it they're making anyway??) to Joker-clone her was such a disappointing ending. Well, even more so than the rest of the story. So what is it now? In this revamp/rehash, how long were Joker and Harley together?

It just seems like the Squad is more interested in sudden violent deaths and being 'unpredictable' and edgy than having a damn plot. I still resent losing the Secret Six to this - and no, I won't get over that. DC, what the hell? Nothing in your new lines interest me anymore, even the ones I thought had SOME promise. Like, this series originally.

Batwoman, Batgirl and Huntress are the only series I would actually pay money for.

Suicide Squad - can you start being okay at least? Seriously.

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